


Even If It Killed Him

by DacerGirl369



Category: Grey's Anatomy, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alex centric, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Character Death, Gen, also you don't need to watch the walking dead to get this, because I'm obsessed with this smol bean, hes just thinking about it it happened before this is set, it's more an apocolypse au than a walking dead thing, not in the fic tho, there's a few references and that's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:38:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9452615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DacerGirl369/pseuds/DacerGirl369
Summary: He gazed at himself in the cracked mirror for longer than he thought he should. He had to, he had to keep looking because he knew that if he didn't he would stop recognising himself and when people stopped recognising themselves, bad things happened.Or, the apocolypse happens, and Alex struggles to deal with it.((Written for the 100 One Shot Challenge. Prompt 46- Reflection))





	

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this was "the Greyzing dead". It didn't quite have the dramatic ring I was looking for.
> 
> Also I have no idea when this is set or when the apocolypse happened or when any of these events took place but this is probably pretty late on and may (probably will) contain spoilers for Grey's. You've been warned.
> 
> Also you don't need to watch TWD to get this, there's just a few things you might pick up on here and there if you've seen both shows.
> 
> That said, I hope you like it:)

He gazed at himself in the cracked mirror for longer than he thought he should. He had to, he had to keep looking because he knew that if he didn't he would stop recognising himself and when people stopped recognising themselves, bad things happened. 

He'd seen it happen before.

He gripped the edges of the sink and forced himself to keep looking. This was him. This was who he was. He needed to hold onto that.

There was a knock at the bathroom door and Alex didn't move. He kept staring himself down, taking in his reflection for as long as he could. 

"Alex?" Owens voice traveled through the door and to his ears, causing Alex to stand up a little straighter. "We're just about ready to go."

Owen's words were soft, as if he was scared anything more vigorous would cause Alex to snap. Everyone seemed scared that he would snap lately, and to be fair, he was a little scared too.

He took one last look at himself before pushing open the door and nodding at Owen, glancing over to where the group had just about finished refuelling the car. Alex didn't know what Owen thought he did whenever they stopped, since Alex spent an awful lot of time hiding in bathrooms and they'd not had plumbing in a long time, but the man seemed to understand that whatever it was, it kept Alex sane. If it kept Alex sane and okay and less likely to snap and kill someone, then he could hang out in bathrooms all he wanted.

If it ain't broke, don't try and fix it, right?

They'd been on the road for a few weeks now (Alex had lost track of exactly how long, in fact Alex hadn't made an effort to time-keep in what felt like years) and he wasn't too sure if this journey was worth the effort. They'd heard through scattered rumours that there was some sort of sanctuary here, a Terminus, they'd called it, but Alex was sceptical at best. 

A sanctuary. It all sounded a bit ridiculous. Ridiculous, and way too good to actually be true.

He made his way over to the cars, three random family cars that Alex was pretty sure all the soccer moms had when he was a kid, and threw his backpack into the back seat of one. Meredith watched him from her position sat on the hood of the car, sipping from her flask and tracing patterns in the dust on the hood. Alex jumped up onto the hood next to her and she offered him her flask, which he took a long swig from before handing it back to her. It wasn't tequila, rather disappointingly, but the water still did a lot to quench his thirst, if not drown his troubles.

"You okay?" She asked quietly, and it was a dumb question really because none of them were okay, no one had been okay for a long time, but he knew that she wasn't looking for the generic grunts and shrugs that he always gave Owen. It was nice that at least someone still worried about him. That someone still cared. If he was being honest, he's not cared about himself for a while now.

"No." He answered, and he was being honest but there was so much he wanted to say to her and he just couldn't find the words to say it. She offered him a sad smile and took another sip from her flask, seemingly not too worried about conserving water, or just too thirsty to care. It wasn't too much of a problem, they had enough and they could get more fairly easily, but Alex's instincts lead him to hoard water like his life depended on it to the point where sometimes Meredith had to force him to hydrate. He had really let go of himself since the apocalypse, but recently, his self destructive tendencies had been causing him more and more problems. 

He's been trying harder recently, if not for himself then for Meredith. For Zola and baby Bailey and little Elis and Sophia, who were too young to have to watch the world go to shit, but had seen things no kids their age should have seen anyway. For Owen and Bailey and Webber, since they couldn't lead everyone on their own and he's always been good at being the muscle. For Callie, because Callie was at least as hurt as he was right now.

For Arizona, God rest her soul.

They'd lost people before, they'd all lost people. This was the freaking zombie apocalypse, for christ's sake. But losing Arizona... It hit Alex pretty hard. Harder than losing anyone else. Aside from Mer, she was his best friend. Not even his best friend... One of his only friends. 

And now she was gone.

He shook his head in an effort to clear it, and Mer offered him the flask again. He tried to shake his head at her, but she gave him a pointed look that quite clearly said "drink something, idiot", so he had a gulp anyway. It was refreshing despite being slightly lukewarm and did serve to help him clear his head a little more. 

Owen comes back over, this time with Callie and the kids following him, and motions to the others that were scavenging around the back.

They had to go. They had a sanctuary to get to. They had to survive. Alex would protect the few people he had left, even if it killed him.

Even if it killed him.

(Which was ironic, because with all these people to protect, it was the first time he really felt like staying alive. Funny how life turns out.)


End file.
